There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
