Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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