I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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