summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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