we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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