The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
