One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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