I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
