I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
