i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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