hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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