I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize