So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
