Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
