Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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