The maid of honor just puked.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
