What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
