That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Randomize
