I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
