I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
