I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
