Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
