Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
