It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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