Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
