Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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