I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
