the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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