I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
