Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
