walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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