you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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