We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize