You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
