FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
