Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
