i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
