Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
