He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
