the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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