our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
