Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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