I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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