Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
