I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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