im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
