call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
