youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
