would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
