Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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