My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
