don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I need a beard to bite.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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