Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
