I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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