i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
