The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
