oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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