my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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