I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
