I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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