remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Can I color on your dick again?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
