Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
