All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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