apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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