Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
