Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
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