hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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