Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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