I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
