if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
This baby is an asshole
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
