Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
