That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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