there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
