you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
