Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
