You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
