good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
