After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
