walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
