Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
