So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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