tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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