I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
