I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize