im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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