i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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