so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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