Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
