If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
