I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
