I accidentally had phone sex last night
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
