Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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