Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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