so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
