If i come over, it means nothing
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
