dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
