keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize