i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
