I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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