He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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